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  • Writer's pictureNajah Amatullah

Winter Wondering: Slay

Last year, I watched Annie Wiltse talk about devouring books and I was a little sad remembering how I used to do the same. I decided to make reading a priority again and I read The Circle Maker in about 3 days ending on April 25. I remember the date because, I finished the book and immediately began drawing prayer circles. I regret to admit that I don't pray them as diligently since school started this year as I did before. BUT. GOD.

I drew a circle for my love life , for my teaching career, for my finances, for my health and the health of my family members and for my side hustles. I also took up Bible journaling.

Shortly before reading the book, I had a major shift and strain in my closest relationships. If you've been around, you read the blog post. I was depressed and confused and scared. My guy Muse really showed me friendship and we had these long talks about centering and introspection, about our innate power and being guided by "God." Even as we disagree about how we access power & why we have it, we want very similar things for ourselves and our community. While the sheep were grazing in the American pasture, he and I were thinking past it, over standing it and harnessing power to accomplish goals despite it.

Summer came and went. I spent a week in DC learning the beauty and pain of teenagers and slam poetry, knowing that I have to be there for them and that it will take a lot out of me. I toiled through The Autobiography Of Malcolm X and understood grassroots change and perseverance to a task in a completely new way.

Black Future was completed and released. The show was amazing! The album is still amazing, still being reviewed and promoted. We're doing another big show on the 18th - get your tickets here.

School started and I almost immediately began to feel boxed in. I had these huge plans that the world seemed determined to thwart. October brought opportunity and heartache. November brought disappointment and pressure. December brought outright pain. Through it all, Adonai lit my path with glimmers of gold. I saw clearly in the starlight.

Also in October, Pastor Charles started preaching about restoration. The statement that has been most confirmed was this: The first thing that happens when God gets ready to restore is a shift in atmosphere and surroundings. I didn't know what he meant; I just knew I wanted restoration. Pastor said the shift would be in physical space & in relationships. He warned us not to fear the changes.

I hate change and I resisted several of the changes. BUT. GOD.

In December, I went to sleep one night and the thought of my own apartment popped into my head unprompted and unexpected. Two weeks later, I was signing a lease. I sat in my apartment over Christmas break knowing that 2017 would be a year of restoration. December brought great pain and, as the watchful expect, great clarity. I let a big thing go. A big thing was taken away. I began to see the need to fight for my freedom every second of every day.

I've just returned from Israel. All the stories are true. I stood where David slew Goliath. I shook the hand and hugged the neck of the man who found physical, scientific evidence of the Holy of Holies. I looked down into the Valley of Jezreel at the city of Megiddo and felt what Elijah felt when he stood firmly on His faith that Yahweh is the only true God. I saw the pillar Jacob erected in honor of Yahweh, the one true God, at the first record of monotheism. And so on and so forth.

I can home to the Muslim Ban and to so many sheeple terrified of the fake power we've bestowed on this man in a fake position. I stand firmly in my Christian privilege (rooted more firmly now in its Jewish heritage) and tell you that no king or president or god who fits inside of the box of human intelligence will make me afraid of the future. If DeVos shuts down all public schools, I'll teach in mine until they lock the doors and then I'll teach Freedom School in a make shift classroom, because kids will always need to learn. I will stand up against the injustice of religious discrimination. How can we not, Christians? Isaac and Ishmael were born of the SAME father. To hate and fear Muslims is to hate and fear my siblings. I will stand up against desecration of land and disrespect for the people whose identity and power is tied to the earth we were all made from. I stand with Standing Rock Remember Adam, Christians, whose was made from the dust of the ground? I will stand up against these fake notions of borders and boundaries and citizenship and assimilation. We were one race and one people until we lied to ourselves and tried to become gods (Tower of Babel). This division was never in God's plan. BUT until the majority of people who aren't black can say Black Lives Matter without cringing, I will take care of my own with the heart that others refuse to open and the strength that others hoard for themselves.

I will stand. I will pray. I will fight. I will bend, stretch, breathe, and hold. I will read. I will teach. I will write. I will speak.

Hold my hand if you're going. Life is no longer for the faint of heart. Nothing will come easy. But if we continue to work hard, we'll be strengthened and the victories will outnumber the losses.

I'm excited about restoration, abundance and love! Let's rise higher!

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