Y’all ain’t seen me in my woo woo bag since I was practicing Christianity…
Let me see if I can make this make sense.
Y’all know, I’m over the doing and the working, and I’m trying to just be…
Only a couple of you read me consistently enough to know that I’m in a weekly group meditation and discussion. Some of our favorite themes are around meeting yourself where you are and believing that you’re not a thing to fix or a problem to solve. Even less of you know about my experience with Nefer Phoenix’s Mystery School Inner Court, but if she reads this, she just gon’ nod the whole time.
I think there are large portions of my life where I have believed that depression is a flaw I need to fix1.
I know I struggle on a daily basis with being misunderstood and therefore working over time to clear the misunderstanding.
I know someone who I’ve known since high school. He is from New Orleans2. Let all the woo woos say “say less.” He reads and re-reads my first poetry book and tells me over and over that it means something to him. He always sends those messages at a time when I feel like I’m yelling into the void and no one cares.
At some point, @ Andreamuse777 posted this on X/Twitter: “People are portals that lock you into specific timelines and shift your life trajectory. Choose wisely.”
My NOLA friend sent me that post on February 24. And I had to take several minutes to rearrange my thinking about relationships in order to integrate this understanding.
If you are not into portal theory, you’re gonna have to go look that up.
The short of it is that even in “real life” there are portals between mental and spiritual realities.
A few of you have read my work enough to have seen me say over and over that time is fake. I believe that because I learned a few years back that there’s a version of me on every possible timeline and I can meet myself on different timelines by going through the portals.
I just gotta FIND the portals.
(Think about the Multiverse. Dr. Strange was onto something.
There’s a theory out there that airplane travel and changing time zones takes you through portals. I don’t even need to ask questions to know that the theory is onto something.)
But when I read that PEOPLE are portals…
…that the other sentient beings who have multiple selves on multiple timelines…
…are also portals…
something really big clicked.
Let me find out I’m not married because I’m not meant to be locked to anyone’s timeline yet!
Let me find out that I was never gonna realize I could timeline jump while I was hitched to this or that lover!
Let me find out, my baby daddy’s absence ain’t a hardship because he was a portal not a partner!
Okay, so, if you’re still with me, watch this video I found mid January.
It immediately resonated with me, because of the idea of misunderstanding my energy and power. I don’t like the overuse of the concept of narcissism, but I do understand that up until July 2023, I had underestimated my attraction and influence in a majorly self-sabotaging way. I knew when the lesson came over me that it would take me a long time to unravel the ropes self-deprecation had tied me up in.
Simultaneously, if I don’t believe in time for real, it would be a little weird for me to put all my eggs in the basket of something happening on a certain day. I made myself a note after I saw the video, that 3-6-9 could be today or it could be some other occurrence of those numbers.
My NOLA friend used to have 369 as part of his social media handle.
People are portals.
Yesterday, 3/5/2025, he sent me this video:
I admitted to him that I’ve seen such similar messages for weeks and months and I just could not get it through my head. But something about her wording…
...those who aren't meant for me will themselves to misunderstand me. It’s unintentionally intentional. They are incapable and they have no will to become able... BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT my PORTAL (right now).
Rejection is protection because those on a different timeline, who aren’t portal jumping in sync with me, will feel like an anchor and a lead weight.
My NOLA friend made a statement, and I rewrote it to reflect my cosmology:
When the highest and freest and most aligned version of myself ("God"/ Jah) requires that l focus on myself, it may feel like I have to sacrifice. The sacrifice could be anything (EXTRA PEOPLE) but l'm always leaving one thing to gain something better (more of myself, THE RIGHT PEOPLE/PORTALS). The more ME l am the more l will have. The less of me l give to those who aren't meant to have me, the more of me I'll have at my own disposal.
I returned to KC Steinbeck’s page today wondering what he had to say 3 months later. He hadn’t posted his circle back yet, but he had done his normal card pull (which I’ve never watched before).
“Divine timing, the right timing, only ever now” - my moon is in Pisces
The messenger of pentacles working way too hard! “Be not do.” - say less (pentacles are diamonds in playing cards and coins in the Hoodoo tarot, money, my natal suit)
Lots of downloads!
Mars directed into Leo - the planet of war and/or strategy and/or contention and/or problem-solving - transiting into my SUN SIGN? Bet.
The hermit! - enough said
Maybe after all this I can BE MY OWN INNERG with more conviction than before, with less hand-wringing, and more nonattachment to outcomes.
Ase and amen.
This blog is absolutely a part of who I’m meant to be in the revolution.
So are these books.
Footnotes:
1 I told my friend that I needed to strap in for sadness, loneliness, disappointment, and depression. I don't believe in running, so I need to act like I don't believe in it. I started making a hand-written playlist of songs to listen to as I sit in my feelings. I added books and films. Y'all want it?
2 Y'all have heard me say Houston is my ancestral seat. And it is 2 generations back. But matrilineally, 3 generations back, it's NOLA.
Comments